It's Not Enough
by Synnerxx
Summary: Spinner misunderstands an overheard conversation and Jay has to fix things. Is it enough?


**Pairing: Jay/Spinner**

**Warnings: Slash, language, slight OOC**

**Author's Notes: Written for the challenge on the LJ comm, story_lottery. Jay/Spinner is so much fun to write, I don't know why more people don't. Review, darlings!**

**Prompt: A soap bubble**

* * *

Jay was kissing his collar bone, teeth nipping at it lightly as they stood under the warm spray in the shower.

"So, are you going to tell me what's been bothering you these last couple of days?" Jay asked, bringing his head and resting his forehead against Spinner's.

"What?" Spinner panted, eyes flicking open.

"You've been very off, like distant. What's up?" Jay asked, curiosity filling his voice.

"Nothing. Everything's fine." Spinner kissed Jay lightly.

"You know you can't lie to me, Spin. Didn't think you were stupid enough to try either." Jay's voice was hard.

"Well, this is a very awkward place to have this conversation, okay?" Spinner said, rinsing the last of the soap bubbles from his body.

"Let's get out then." Jay snapped, harsher than he meant.

They stepped out into the warm steam that had gathered in the bathroom. Jay handed Spinner a towel and grabbed one for himself. They dried off briskly and walked into the bedroom, slipping on boxers and sweat pants.

Spinner sneaked up behind Jay, arms wrapping around his waist, soft kisses pressed on his neck.

"You know, as nice as that is, you're not distracting me from the fact that we need to talk." Jay twisted out of Spinner's grip.

Spinner pouted cutely at him. "But I told you, nothing is wrong."

"And I believe that about as much as I believe Alex telling me she's turned straight again and wants me back." Jay snorted.

Spinner frowned and sat on the bed, studying the floor.

"Well?" Jay took a seat next to him.

"It's stupid and I don't want to talk about it." Spinner mumbled.

"Why not?" Jay pressed, not bothering to hide the concern in his voice.

"Because I don't want to fight right now, and if we discuss this, that's what it's going to lead to." Spinner glanced up at Jay.

"Will you just tell me? I'm not going to be mad, I promise." Jay took Spinner's hand in his own, stroking the knuckles softly.

"You really want to know?" Spinner asked, jerking his hand away.

"Yeah." Jay frowned in confusion at the change in Spinner's demeanor.

"A few days ago, I heard you talking with Alex in front of The Dot. She asked you if you loved me. You answered her with 'I love fucking him, that's all.'" Spinner blinked away the tears in his eyes.

Jay sighed, recalling that day very well. He hadn't known that Spinner had overheard the conversation. Damage control time. "Spinner, what I said wasn't true. I just....I don't even know why I said it."

"Whatever. Do you know how hard it is to even deal with being in a relationship with you and what people say about us? Someone asked me yesterday how it felt to be with a guy who didn't even love me. Do you know what it's like to have people you don't really know ask you that? To have them think that you don't love me? But I guess they were right. You don't love me. You love _fucking _me." Spinner stood up, heading for the door.

Jay grabbed his arm, pulling him back down onto the bed. "Spin, I do love you. More than I've ever loved anyone else. Even Alex. What I told her was bullshit. Just something to make her go away. I don't like people thinking they have the right to know what goes on in this relationship. As for the people that doubt my love, ignore them. They don't know shit. You know better than that." Jay stroked his cheek softly.

"But sometimes I don't feel like you really love me. Sometimes I don't know how you feel or why you're with me." Spinner admitted, looking away from Jay's piercing gaze.

"Spinner, I love you. How many times do you want me to say it?" Jay asked, getting fed up with this conversation.

"Words are words, man. You could say it until you're blue in the face and I would still have my doubts." Spinner said, getting annoyed himself with Jay's lack of understanding,

"So tell me what you want me to do? You want to break up? Is that it?" Jay asked, standing up.

"I don't know. I just....Maybe we should. Maybe we're not right for each other after all." Spinner sighed, pain lacing his words.

"Seriously? That's it? You're done?" Jay sputtered in disbelief.

"It's not enough to say it, Jay. You've got to mean it and I don't think you do. Not anymore." Spinner said, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Jay stared at him, shock and anger clear in his eyes. "I cannot believe you just said that to me."

"Jay, I'm sorry, really, but I'm not going to ruin what's left of us in this relationship. I love you and I always will, but I'm done." Spinner stood again, kissing Jay's cheek lightly as he walked to the door.

Jay's hand slipped into his pocket, fingers brushing over the velvet box he had planned to give Spinner that night. Now he was ruining everything.

"Spin, wait." Jay took the box out of his pocket, kneeling down on the floor on one knee.

Spinner turned toward him. "Jay, what are you doing?"

"Spinner, will you marry me?" Jay opened the box, revealing the ring hidden inside. It was a simple silver band with a delicate engraving of roses around it.

Spinner took a step forward. "Jay, when I said I was leaving, I didn't mean propose to me to make me stay."

"Let me explain. What you heard me say to Alex was only a part of the actual conversation. I really love you. What I said to her was what you overheard, but then I told her that, yes, I love you. The first part was just sarcasm. I didn't mean it. And you said you still love me, so will you marry me?" Jay asked again.

"Really? You love me that much?" Spinner stood directly in front of him.

"Yes. More than anything. Now it's your turn to say yes." Jay held up the ring.

"Yes. I love you." Spinner said softly.

Jay stood up, slipping the ring onto Spinner's left ring finger and kissing him gently.

"I think I need to prove my love a little more, don't you?" Jay asked as he led Spinner to the bed and laid him down.

"I think you do." Spinner leaned up to kiss him again.

Sometimes it is enough to say you're sorry. Sometimes it is enough to say "I care".


End file.
